If society (parents, siblings, peers, school, work, community...) is to
blame for the way you turned out, and it almost certainly is, then the chances
of it helping you out of the mess, is practically zero! You don't have the
answers otherwise you wouldn't have got into such a mess. Neither do your friends
or partners, it was their similarity to you which attracted you to them.
That's why the only way out, is to find the few people who represent excellence
(who have the life you want) and model them.
1/ Note for scholarly
readers; in any medical or social scientific enquiry, the actions of the
observer always affect the outcome, just like the actions of the participants;
with any social species, agency never lies just with the an individual. Agency
is always on a positive feedback loop within any human group, just as social
structures are only ever temporary pockets of order. So, it’s just the same for
the distinguished research professor, as it is for the guy on the street
trapped by the habitual influence of significant others!
2/ In pursuit of the
life you want; observation is all about recognizing patterns in the actions of
others – habits, in everything! If a habit no longer delivers the reward it
once did it is a bad habit, the only way to break a bad habit is to replace it
with a better one that delivers the same reward.
3/ Pleasure (this feels
good, I want some more); happiness (this feels good, I don’t need anymore.)
4/ Whatever it is you
do, do it because it is a worthwhile and purposeful activity in and of itself,
here and now.
5/ Money; is this
expenditure essential, important, or just everything else?! Will it make you richer
(an investment) or poorer (waste)?
6/ Diet: drink; alcohol
(really bad), caffeine (not good), water (all you actually need). Food; refined
sugars (worst), grains (human invention), dairy (mother's milk of another
species), roots/tubers (good in an emergency, but costly to get at), fresh meat
cooked fast (best), ripe red fruit and fresh green leaves (best).
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